jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize