you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
