Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
