I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
