Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
