i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
