Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
