i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
