If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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