maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize