making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
