K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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