I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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