We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i need some magic done to my vagina
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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