ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
