i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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