I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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