We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
