this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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