My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
