i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i came on her dog
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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