Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
