All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
