You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
