someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
