And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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