My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
