i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
