Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
