i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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