My first STD was from a foam party
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
