David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
