Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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