i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Are my feet made of real feet?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
