we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
