You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
