You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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