Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
