You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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