apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
