he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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