I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
