I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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