I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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