Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
