I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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