i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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