so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
