I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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