Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
