I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
