I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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