having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
