Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
