I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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