think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
