alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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