I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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