I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
