Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize