the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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