Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
