She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
