your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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