ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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