here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
