I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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