grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
