am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
