woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
