first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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