She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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