But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
